A call to pitching arms
Feature Editorial
Joel Ebert
Issue date: 11/19/07 Section: Opinions
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There is a war going on today that I am sure not many people know about. It's war that can only be won by sheer power, force and determination. It may even take the help of a few baseball players to defeat the enemy. Who is the enemy in this war? Birds.
Birds have been attacking planes since Orville Wright began human adventure into the air. These attacks are referred to as bird strikes, and are defined as any impact between a man-made vehicle and an airborne animal. They occur during takeoffs, landings and mid-flight of airplanes, and occasionally space shuttles.
Bird strikes have been reported by the Federal Aviation Administration (FAA) to cost $600 million annually in damages. This is such a rampant problem in the aviation industry that they invented a small cannon known as a bird strike simulator to test the strength of windshields and the exteriors of planes. The cannon flings the carcasses of dead chickens and birds at 450 m.p.h. in order to see if the plane's material can withstand the impact.
I must say that I'm rather glad that something is being done about this bird strike situation because, quite frankly, I do not want to die from a plane's failure to handle a bird's suicide attack, as what happened in 1960 when a plane crashed in Boston harbor and killed 62 people. Due to this crash, the FAA began its attempt to combat bird strikes.
In 2001, while pitching for the Arizona Diamondbacks, Randy Johnson delivered a pitch during a game that hit and killed a dove while on its way to home plate. In 1983, Yankees outfielder Dave Winfield was throwing warm-up tosses and ended up hitting and killing a seagull with the ball.
I bring up these instances in hopes of seeing that these two men could lead us to victory against the birds. If these men could harness their powers and teach others how to do so, we could defeat the enemy in this war. And since the government is so into outsourcing jobs, as in Iraq with private contractors, I suggest that we outsource the job of bird strike defense to Major League Baseball players. Think about it. Wait until they retire and negotiate an affordable price to help counter this bird insurgency that we are fighting each day. It could be called the Major League Special Aviation Security Force.
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Birds have been attacking planes since Orville Wright began human adventure into the air. These attacks are referred to as bird strikes, and are defined as any impact between a man-made vehicle and an airborne animal. They occur during takeoffs, landings and mid-flight of airplanes, and occasionally space shuttles.
Bird strikes have been reported by the Federal Aviation Administration (FAA) to cost $600 million annually in damages. This is such a rampant problem in the aviation industry that they invented a small cannon known as a bird strike simulator to test the strength of windshields and the exteriors of planes. The cannon flings the carcasses of dead chickens and birds at 450 m.p.h. in order to see if the plane's material can withstand the impact.
I must say that I'm rather glad that something is being done about this bird strike situation because, quite frankly, I do not want to die from a plane's failure to handle a bird's suicide attack, as what happened in 1960 when a plane crashed in Boston harbor and killed 62 people. Due to this crash, the FAA began its attempt to combat bird strikes.
In 2001, while pitching for the Arizona Diamondbacks, Randy Johnson delivered a pitch during a game that hit and killed a dove while on its way to home plate. In 1983, Yankees outfielder Dave Winfield was throwing warm-up tosses and ended up hitting and killing a seagull with the ball.
I bring up these instances in hopes of seeing that these two men could lead us to victory against the birds. If these men could harness their powers and teach others how to do so, we could defeat the enemy in this war. And since the government is so into outsourcing jobs, as in Iraq with private contractors, I suggest that we outsource the job of bird strike defense to Major League Baseball players. Think about it. Wait until they retire and negotiate an affordable price to help counter this bird insurgency that we are fighting each day. It could be called the Major League Special Aviation Security Force.
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